Holidays

I despise holidays all holidays naw let me take that back I still love New Years and saint Patrick's day.. My husband loved holidays they excited him like a child. Me never one for them before him my son Ethan I worked all holidays...so now I dread them but try to push on smile and press through..all the while hoping someone had a shot to dull the pain some are worst than others., and ones near anniversaries of important days are the worst. I feel like the ultimate grinch all the while patiently hoping for the day I feel like normal people. I made it through this anniversary also know as valentines day next is birthday season where I hold back the tears of watching are kids get older without you here.... I believe it's getting easier...I hope for the days where I just smile and shed an single tear when I think of how much I miss you...

Hold you in my arms

As the anniversary of our engagement lingers so close for some reason I can't stop the tears ... Usually I'm great at dealing with the lost of you I shed my tears wipe them and keep moving forward..right now the tears keep following and I find myself begging God for my husband back... Can I have just 5 more minutes to lie in your arms... I need to hear you tell me everything will be okay... I want you here with me.. I know it's selfish I know you're in a better place I know everything happens for a reason but I miss you so much.. I mis your eyes I miss your kisses I miss your voice I miss fighting with you I miss you being here..I'm healing and it is easier than last year buttt I miss you so much.. I love you and all I want is you back here with me.. It hurts like hell and the emptiness where you used to be is never filled ... I will go back smiling and being okay but for the next 36 hours please forgive me my love I can't seem to control the need to hold you in my arms to smell your skin and hear you breathing...

People

People constantly disappoint me .. They take me for granted.. They don't reach their full potential.. They lie... They use... And they are inconsiderate.... I'm learning not to take it personally... My sister once sent me this thing about a snake... In life this so true... Part of growing up is seeing people for what they are.... Yes it hurts when the people you love are not who you want them to be .... But this is all a part of life.... And is hard button can't let these these parts of life make you someone you're not proud to be.. Let everyone else deal with their own karma.. You deal with yours...